Adam

I went to see the new-ish film Adam last night. The story is that a young guy with Asperger’s meets, dates and beds a young woman who is an NT who he meets when she moves into his apartment block. There is more, of course, especially about her family, a backstory which provides her motivation and useful counterpoint to her interest in Adam, and there is more about Adam’s insecurity and desperation. Half a dozen people watched, (perhaps Shrewsbury’s newest studio cinema may have to do some more marketing) though I thought this correctly reflected the public’s interest in Asperger’s.

Hollywood did well – there were not many pulled punches. Adam has a tantrum, is selfish, rude, uncomprehending and very boring at times, although they do end up in bed (he was surprisingly sensitive!) and the girl is very willing to manage him, and the ending is not too schmaltzy. However I did reflect that any stereotype of Asperger’s is bound to fail, just because the people – at least those I know – are so individual and different one to another. One size does not match all.

What is true and was reflected in this film is that people with Asperger’s are misunderstood and thrust into inhospitable environments in which they tend to fail rather than to thrive. This is true in employment (where a few of my clients are currently struggling to survive), and in romantic relationships (as above), as well as within the family, in education and amongst friends. And yet, many people with Asperger’s really can be selfish, rude, uncomprehending and very boring at times, - not to mention the tantrums! - and to expect others to accommodate this, as the girl in Adam did so selflessly, is overly hopeful.

The point is to avoid creating circumstances in which this behaviour becomes inevitable. We can all learn from this. All Adam needed was a boss who spoke clearly to him and explained exactly what was required. All he needed was a girl who didn’t feel it was best to lie to him and who could trust him to be honest. He just needed a lawyer to explain clearly so he could understand and make his own choices in his own time, and he needed someone who could accept his plain and honest way of speaking.

The world is not generally so perfect however, and it is the ones with Asperger’s, the outsiders in the social world, who suffer because they find it difficult to cope with the generally low and confused NT standards of behaviour. There might be something to learn from this.