This weekend course is designed for actors and
people who wish to develop their creativity and personal power. I did
the course about 25 years ago, and have remained in touch ever since.
For the first time ever we ran it for people with Asperger’s Syndrome
in June: Sarah took part and went straight home to write this:
Anyone with even a passing acquaintance of Asperger’s syndrome will know that this social and communication 'disorder' can
wreak havoc in people's lives. Isolated, socially inept, eccentric,
childlike, loner, tactless: these are just some of the adjectives that
have regularly been used to describe my (and other Aspies') behaviour.
It seems obvious, given this, that full participation in an
intensive, weekend long, personal development/expression course should be beyond the reach of those (us) carrying this label.
And
yet….with this being a hugely significant 'and yet'..….I am writing
this just one day after 8 of us successfully, and very triumphantly,
completed the world's first 'Mastery for Aspies'. What is the Mastery,
and how did we arrive at the point, on Sunday afternoon, where we
happily cast aside our alleged inability to maintain appropriate peer
level relationships, spontaneously share with others' and regulate
social expression? Aspies are not supposed to spontaneously hug one another, swap phone numbers, go to the pub, plan future events and congratulate one another. We just aren't.
For
sure, as we arrived on Friday evening, the apprehension and mixed
feelings were clear to see (and hear). No one, as far as I know,
believed wholeheartedly that they wanted to be there, or even that
there was much point in them being there. And then it began.
Ranjit, Bill, Gideon and Vicki introduced themselves, told us the rules
(no violence, no drink or drugs), and invited us to stand in front of
the group and speak about ourselves. What did we want for ourselves,
more than anything else? How could The Mastery, its activities, and its
people, help us to achieve these things?
So we stood,
one by one, and, in this atmosphere of collective empathy and
understanding (not to mention some well timed questions from Ranjit and
Bill), our defences began to drop. We all laughed, some of us (me, for
one) cried. We all shared -we shared something of ourselves: who we
are, where we've been, and most importantly, what we dream for, even on
those days when we do not dare even to hope that our dreams can come
true.
Relationships – the desire to forge meaningful and
lasting relationships – was the ubiquitous theme. We all confessed our
unmet desire – unmet need – to be one half of a significant
relationship – one that involves sharing, closeness, compromise. For
most of us, this desired relationship is a sexual one. We want more
money – not huge amounts, just enough - independence, choices, jobs,
travel, excitement, stability. Of course we want these things. We are
human. We want our day to day lives to be less consumed with the
anxiety and confusion that seems to be part and parcel of having
Asperger’s. As well as that, we want respect from a world that often
denies respect to those who fail to conform to that most slippery of
concepts – normalcy. We still had to learn, as we did, that we must
first have respect, indeed love, for ourselves. Then, and only then,
would the world, and its possibilities, open up to us.
All
of us can think about ourselves and our lives – we may even keep a
diary to record what does and doesn’t change. As became apparent,
however, saying these thoughts in public - which we did at various
points throughout the weekend - finding and using our own voice – can
profoundly effect the self image that we carry. Loud, heartfelt,
applause followed everything, and everyone; even me, when I refused to
take part in an activity. These shared acts were, in themselves, enough
to let each and everyone of us know that we were accepted for who, and
what, we are. No hold barred. This was love. Pure and simple.
We
played games – we lifted each other up to the ceiling (literally, of
course) – we danced, pretended to be farmyard animals, we discussed
science, music (lots), God, Nando's, and London's amazing underground
map. More than anything, we looked after, and admired, each other, in
that unprompted, paradigmatically neuro-typical way that is often said
to lie outside of the Aspie's skill set.
There were, to
be sure, no miracles. We all emerged, on Sunday evening, with our
Asperger's intact. We still possess many of our apprehensions, and we
continue to face what often feels like a daily struggle to 'keep up' in
this intensely social world. Nevertheless, we saw and felt that our (perhaps) being a little
different is not a source of shame, nor is it a reason to hide. It is
not an abnormality. We felt that we can be who we want to be, just
like NT's, for these are our lives, there to be lived – there to be enjoyed. Celebrated. We are,
just as everyone is, good enough. Whatever good enough may turn out to
be. Labels are not the whole story, and neither are our past
experiences. Each one of us possesses great joy, determination,
courage, aliveness, passion, intelligence, uniqueness, creativity and
strength, full-stop. What we got from The Mastery, and from the
compassionate leadership in particular, was a safe space to remember
that we do indeed possess all of these things – and that the world will be a better place if we use our abilities to the full.
It should be obvious that this is not about having Asperger's Syndrome,
or anything else for that matter. It is about being human. For we all
have a past; we all have feelings, needs, dreams, and fears. The
Mastery is a place that promises, if only you are prepared to risk
being vulnerable: if you are able to face your human-ness, the courage
to be more human. More alive. More connected. More whole. More you:
the map is not the territory. The map is yours; and this weekend gave a
few Aspies the courage to take the map in hand, knowing that the
intricate pathways are yet to be designed. But it is we, ourselves, who
have to do the designing. With a little help from our friends.
We
are running the Mastery again in August (21st through to 23rd) and
again before Christmas. This time we are opening it to parents and
siblings – it is clear from our experience that there is no need to
separate people with Asperger’s from the rest of the world, indeed that
it will be healthy to mix everyone up. This is a fantastically
exciting project, and I will write again about how I see it shining a
light into what is possible with people with Asperger’s. Enough for now
to say that this is one of the most powerful weekend workshops that
exists, that it is tried and tested and has never before been offered
to the Asperger’s community, who seem to respond to it exactly the same
as the rest of humanity.
